/ audacious

Monday, August 01, 2005

i really dunno wad to say now. kindda speechless. got a lot a lot of gan chu, but dunno how to put it.
mebbie i shld recap wad happen to me these few days first.
tues
worked morning shift. went chicken rice-ing w wq after work.
wed
sch. went town ta look for wq cos its his and rox and wayne's last day... ql and mercy happens to be in town so went bra shopping w them while waiting for him. end up bought a super nice pink bra (again, i noe i had a lot of pink bras).
thurs
sch + working afternoon. lunch w wq before work. chicken rice again. really sick and tired of it.
fri
sch. den went to meet wq after sch. went to eat fish and chip. den go lib and walk walk ard town to wait for rox and wayne to come cos he's meeting them to discuss abt their trip to thai. after dat wayne drove me home before they went to have fun... (this is the disadvantage of being underage)
sat
worked the whole day.
sun
actually persuded me to come out cos it will be the last time we can meet before he leave for thai.but too bad i sunday cannot go out one. but... in the end change of plan... cos in the morning raymond called to ask me back to work cos 2 ppl mc. so end up doing 2pm to 8pm. had lunch w him at tp. den he acc me to work...

alright, today i'm really gonna write a lot of things i nv had written or really mention before. and i'm not going to give a damn to it... i dunno, but i think i'm quite emotional now. i'm actually an emotional person. too emotional. everytime will gan qing yong shi. haix... jux now went blog reading. found out that chunman, my ex choir senior, had a five months old son. no offends to dat. jux dat i m shock, and at the same time envy of her. it's a mix feeling. wanting to hv a baby of my own is my wish and always will be. i dun mind having it now. but its jux the baby part. the part of sex turns me off. and seriously, it's also the part of commitment. that's why, at this pt of my life, i felt that i dun wanna get married. at all. and now- stead. its true that the feeling of loving someone and being loved is great. i jux dun hv faith in commitment. i know i'm selfish and this is wad i am now. i jux wanna feel happy and dun care abt everything. i wanna choose and do wad i like in life... no matter how much i like and want a baby, i have a feeling dat i probably cannot hv my own. its a sixth sense. some times the more a person want smtg, the more he/she wun get it. and dats not jux it... girls, be happy to hv periods every month. its a blessing though... and abt him, i'm going to be open here and talk abt it. i'm sick and tired of ppl asking whether we are tgt. and the answer is no. if i say he's only a friend or wad so ever you all are not going to believe me. and true i treat him more den a friend. and we are closer den jux friends. i'm gonna cheat myself if i say i hv no feelings for him and the truth is yes i do. but i dun really understand it though, when i finally does i will write it nx time. but i like it this way... dun go into a relationship jux because of going into a relationship itself. single do rocks. but u still can hv the special one at the same time. jux dat, without commitment, without promises, it can be a lighter burden.
wad the fucking shit. i did write so much craps. and its really late and i gonna get up at 7.30am tmr. he's off to thai the nx two wks, and i'm gonna be really freaking free...

{1:33:00 am}